Heartbroken Begining To Think and Believe That College May Not Be Possiable For Me!

         I am so scared I always wanted to go to college to get my degree I have been so stressed I been did really good in the begining. I got really goood grades but now I am struggling after hurricane sally hit and my soon to be sister in laws health problems. I have been struglling to keep up in my classes so I dedcided that taking one class per sub term so I could focus on one class at a time. I am still strugling to keep up the second week of school and I am not done with the first weeks assignments. I have to watch you tube videos just to understand what I am even doing in for my class assignments. I really am starting to believe and think myabe people were right about me that I can and I will never finsih college and get my degree because I am just not capbale of doing it God just didnt put in his plans for me. I keep praying and trying this time my best just is not good enough. I am heartbroken and very upset about this I just think the best and believe the best thing for me is that I just need to give up on college and just focus and put all my engery into my family and business with God in the center of it all he is most certainly put first. I know without him I would have never made it this far. 

        Its been a very hard decion to make for me to finally say its time for me to say okay college just isnt for me. God created me different he created me with a slow learning disabililty I have struggled with my whole life. I had to work really hard to get my GED I am so proud of that. I know that is time I stop trying to get my business degree and stop trying to go to college when all I am going to do is fail my classes I already been put on acadmic warning now I am on acadmic probation if I fail any of my class this term or semester I will lose my finicial aid. I have already wasted so much of my time and grant and loan money on college. So after this term of my classes I will be emailing my school to let them know and I will no longer be attending school. This is just another chapter ending in my story. 

        The only way I will not give on on going to college is if I can some how manage to get caught up in my current class so I can pass my class so I wont loose my fincial aid. That has to be a miracle perfomed by God himself. Then I will have to think about how I am going to pay back all my school student loans I recieved. I have no idea how I am gonna do that. Please do not judge me I am only sharing my story is because I feel this is the only safe place I can share and write about how I am feeling what I am going through. Please keep me in your prayers and pray for me.

God Is Calling Me To Tell My Story!

        I know God is calling me to tell my story, for my story to be my testimony for his glory. I would love to tell my whole story or testimony I am just not fully ready to tell my whole story or testimony just yet. I be slowly letting it all come out over the years in little moments I didnt realize that I was utill just the ohter day. I am far from perfect and my life is not perfect either. I  am finally beginging to be truly happy and enjoying my life. I am constatnly  growing and learning from all my mistakes each day.Here is just a little some of my story my testimoy. I have been working on building my own online boutique store with my multiple Networking Marketing Business I have to offer to my customers for a one stop shopping experiance with me as their personal stylist or shopping coach. I didnt quit trying to make direct sales, network marketing or mlm work for me even when my own my mom has told me directly that I need to get a real job. One of my sister even agreed and said our mom was right. I never gave up I know in my heart God made me for more and greater then just working at some company at a dead end job not going no where I cant be promoted up but so far and have to spend hours and hours upon hours away from my famliy and kids just to earn enough income to be able to prvode the life I want for myself and my famliy including my kids. At what cost? I will be missing my kids and watching them grow up. 

        Why can I not have the best of both worlds? I know in my heart and soul I was meant to own my own business and not work for someone elses business while they cash in all the money and bigt doe off the their little workers backs like the "The Queen Ant does she keeps having babies to be the worker ants" or How about the "Queen Bee she has so many worker bees at her beck and call that does all the work for her" I know God created me to be more then just to be a worker ant or worker bee! This is why I and I  love the the network marketing, direct sales or mlm industry because I can own my own independent business and be able to earn unlimited amount of income. I can build my dream of having and owning my own complete online boutique. I want the freedom and flexiability to create my own schedule and unlimited amount of income. I want to still be able to work my own schudule and earn an income all while being a stay at home mom to my beautiful kids. 

        I have signed up with mutliple diffreent mlm, direct sales or network marketing companys in the past. I always end up going inactive I didnt know how some people could be so successful while others struggled. Untill I started to learn I needed to first needed to find happiness within myself be true to myself just be me. I needed to stop trying to be someone else or someone I am not. I needed to learn that I had to believe in myself and really gave a passion for what I was doing. I had to work smart, hard, be self motivated and be determined like never before. I had to work on my personal development and develop to grow a stong mindset. How did work on my personal developement to grow my a strong mindset. First I had to work on my personsal self esteem, self worth, self confidence this meant I had to learn to stop nmegative talking to my self and start to postive talk to myself. God said in his word called the Bible "What ever a person thinks in her or his heart so what that person believes he or she is this is called stinky thinking." I had to change my negative thinking to positive thinking about myself deep down in my heart, mind, spirit and soul. I had to ask God to show me what he saw in me and why he loved me. I had to ask God help me with finding my true identy, my self worth, self esteem, and self confidence. I had to find my value, and worth in God and not people.

        I do not know what God has in store for me or what God has planned for me what I do know is that God is with me in everything I also know that God only wants what is the best for me. God is almighty, mercyful, caring, all loving, and all forgiving God. God wants to give me all the desries of all my heart. God wants to bless me I first must put God first in everything I do. Surrender to him give him my everything let him take control of my life. He will never let me down or let me go. Do not give up on your dreams give them to God your heavently father talk to him about your dreams your deepest hearts desires for he already knows them for he put them there in your heart to begin with.